Posted on August 27 2019
Dear whoever is reading this,
I hope this finds you in the exact right moment. I hope this finds you if your dreams are crushed, your hopes are in ruin and your outlook on love is dreadful. I hope this finds you if life is going spectacular for you. I hope this finds you if you’re happy, if you’re sad, if you’re broken. I hope that wherever you are in your life, you take this advice to the heart and live every day with it.
There is a high likelihood that you will go through life thinking that in order to be truly happy, to be truly fulfilled in life, to do everything in life that you’re supposed to do, you need to find "the one" first in order to do all that.
It’s a huge misconception in our society. We get taught all our life’s that we have to find someone else in order to complete us. To make us whole. And I’m telling you from the bottom of my heart that this is not the case. I wish you’d realize and believe me when I tell you that you do not need another person in order to complete you. Single is a whole number.
You do not need another person in order to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. You’re not some unsolved puzzle with a missing piece that is in desperate need to be made whole in order to be truly understood. You’re more than that. You’re more than a relationship status or a tax bracket. You are you. And that will always be the best thing about you. Not who you’re dating. Not who you are married to.
Christ completes you, not another person. And that is the bottom line. He comes first, and everything else will follow.
You can go through life, live your best moments, make the greatest memories, make an impact on this earth, live a Christ-centered life, without ever having to hold the hand of another man or woman. You can do all you want in this world, without someone by your side.
I know there are a lot of women out there who believe that in order to be truly happy, you need to have a family, you need to bring children into this world. And yes for that you obviously need help. But please don’t live your life believing that children, a husband and marriage will all of a sudden make your life fulfilled. Because it doesn’t.
Children don’t complete you. Marriage doesn’t complete you, and neither does a husband. And if you think otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. One day you’ll wake up with all of those things you so deeply wished for all these years, you’ll wake up to your kids, to the husband you always wanted, and yet, there will still be something missing.
And what’s missing is your understanding that nothing in this world will complete you except your own love for yourself and your relationship with God.
You’re not less of a woman because you’re not married at 29. You’re not less of a woman if you don’t have kids by 32. The notion that you need to check off all those requirements in order to be truly happy is absolutely ridiculous. If there is such a list, I want you to take that list and set it on fire.
Do what makes you happy, and never let anyone make you feel inferior because you don’t live up to their idea benchmark of happiness. So the next time you have your friends asking you if you’ve finally found the one, I want you to go ahead and tell them ‘yes I have’. And point at yourself. You are ‘the one’.
There is so much life out there for you to live. Please don’t spend another second believing that you need someone else in order to truly live you best life. Because guess what? You do not.
Learn how to love yourself. Learn how to be alone. I don’t understand how some of you go through life asking yourself “where is my man”, “where is my woman”? What are you looking for in someone else that you can’t give yourself? Love? Affection? Commitment? Devotion? All these are things that you ought to give to yourself first. Why look for that in someone when the person you are searching for is reading these words right now?
Guess what? I’m talking about you silly. You are that person.
If you don’t know how to be by yourself, what are you going to do with someone else? What can you provide for someone else if you can’t even provide for yourself? Be by yourself and learn how to love your own company before indulging in the company of someone else.
Stop praying about finding the person who you want to do life with. Do life by yourself. Spend the time alone working on yourself. That’s what the time is for. To get yourself in order. To be the best version of yourself. So when the time comes, when the time is right, you’ll be right for the right person.
You don’t constantly need to chase the next person, the next relationship in order to be fulfilled. I see it all the time. Some people seriously cannot be single for more than 5 minutes. Are you so empty inside that you can’t bear the sheer thought of being alone? Would It kill you to stop dating for a while and get your mind and thoughts in order?
I hope you believe me when I tell you that you are enough. You are whole. You are not defined by another human being. Lean to be at peace with yourself and don’t just be in a relationship for the sole purpose of avoiding your own solitude. Because that is the worst thing you could possibly do to yourself and others.
The most beautiful thing you can do for your future lover, is learning how to love yourself before you meet them. Remember that.
And when the day comes where you finally meet that special someone, I pray that you will have that sense of self love for yourself, that will let you in all confidence say that you’ve finally found "the two".
Because remember; you are "the one".