In this life, we’ll all find ourselves at one point or another confused and heartbroken. We’ll find ourselves lost and hopeless, rejected and distraught. It’s life. There is no way to avoid it. Some people feel deeper than others. Some hurt more than others. Some hurt longer. But we all feel pain. We all feel heartache. Just because it isn’t visible to the naked eye, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
The wounds may not be on the surface, but often times those invisible wounds cause more damage to you than any physical injury ever could.
Many of us don’t know how to deal with heartbreak. It happens to us all, yet, most people don’t really know how to handle it. Some use alcohol to numb the pain, others result to sleeping around with other people, some jump right back into another relationship.
None of these approaches are healthy solutions to a broken heart. And I know that everyone has their “own way of coping” with heartache. Or so my therapist tells me. I am so rolling my eyes right now because I think it’s just a stupid excuse to justify an unhealthy behavior.
Yes, everyone experiences heartbreak differently. But we all should respond to it the same way. I’ve realized that the best approach to heartbreak is to put your faith in God and let him guide you through this storm of grieve and pain. Let him fill that void inside of you. Instead of relying on other external sources.
You may read this and think to yourself “man I’m not even a big believer in God”. And that’s totally okay. I wasn’t either not too long ago. But I’ve walked through this pain with and without him and I can say without a doubt that with him by my side, there is nothing I can’t overcome.
Before I lived a Christ centered life, I found myself coping with heartbreak in the worst possible ways. I turned to alcohol, drugs and women. I tried to numb the pain instead of embracing it. Instead of letting it make me better, it made me bitter.
I tried to avoid the pain and pretend like it wasn’t happening. Instead of addressing it and correcting the issues that were going on. I’m not proud of it, but it’s what I did. It’s what most people do. It’s a temporary fix to a prolonged problem. And just like every other temporary fix, these coping mechanisms all do the same, they leave you empty afterwards.
Alcohol isn’t a cure for a broken heart. And neither is sleeping around with half your city.
A lot people try to overcome a heartbreak by jumping right back into another relationship. This is an absolute terrible decision that almost never results in a good outcome.
These people have their entire self-worth and happiness depended on another person. Their identity is based on being a girlfriend or boyfriend. That’s all they know. That’s all they can do. And it’s such a flawed mentality that I wish more people would be able to break out of.
You cope differently when you put your trust in God. You heal differently. See, God can heal your broken heart, but you need to give him all the pieces. When you put your trust in God you have to fully trust him. Not halfway, not 60%, not ‘I trust him as long as things are getting better’. No, complete and utter faith is required when dealing with heartbreak. You have to truly believe that God can turn this pain around and transform it into something incredibly positive for your life.
You need to give God all the pieces to your broken heart, because only he can put them back together. In order to experience complete healing, you will have to get into a place of complete surrender.
Surrender the idea that you had about the other person. Surrender the thought of you and them spending your lives together. Surrender the memories, all the good, all the bad. Let go. Let it all out, and let him in.
I promise you that it will get better. This is a battle you can’t win on your own. He’s there for you. To guide you, to heal you.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit” - Psalm 34:18. I love this scripture so much because it emphasizes how even in our darkest moments, we are never truly alone. Even when the world abandons us, he is still there. The lord is nearby.
We serve a God who heals the brokenhearted, who heals the ones who are crushed in spirit. And if that person is you, if you feel like there’s no way out, that there is no escaping from this devastating loss that has overtaken your life, then I urge you to put his faith in him. Believe that he will turn things around for you.
And watch him do just that.
You know, when I dealt with my first heartbreak before I was a follower of Christ, I thought my life was over. I lost the sense of who I was. The pain was unimaginable. For months I was depressed. Turned to all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanism in order to combat the pain that set my heart on fire.
Nothing helped. It took me nearly a year to get over it. I got over it, but I didn’t heal. There’s a difference. I didn’t heal because I wasn’t in the right environment. I didn’t have God to help me become whole again. I didn’t have the right friends to sharpen me and help me become better. I didn’t have the desire to become better because I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with me in the first place.
Years later I find myself in a similar situation. Heartbroken yet again. But this time, things are different. I let God into my life, and everything changed. It’s not that the situation changed, it’s that I changed. I am different. I am stronger, thanks to God. I can walk through the pain without having to result to sex, drugs or alcohol.
I’m stronger than I was before. I don’t need unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to overcome this heartbreak. I got Jesus. That’s all I need. All I ever needed. I’m better than ever. My heart is broken, but God is putting it together. Day by day, piece by piece. And slowly I’m learning how to be whole again.
I’m healing, the right way. The proper way. I’ve surrendered myself to him. And I’m watching him do miracles in my life.
The people that he’s brought into my life are incredible and the experiences I’m gaining are incomparable.
I love the man who I’ve become, and I owe it all to him.
I still think about to person I used to be. The old scars on my wrist are a reminder to me how far I’ve come. How much has changed. I don’t cope with heartbreak in that way anymore. I am grateful that that, is behind me. The veil has been lifted.
So if today you’re reading this because you feel lost, feel broken, feel devastated, I urge you to put your faith in him and keep pushing. Keep going. There is light, there is hope, there is a future in which you will be happy again.
Give him all your broken pieces, they’re his to mend.