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It had to Happen

Posted on July 14 2019

It had to Happen
The other day I was talking to a very good friend of mine and he told me something that truly stuck with me.
“The reason why I don’t miss anyone from my past and mourn their loss is because it took me losing them in order to have turned into the man I am today. I am the person I am today because of all the people I’ve hurt in the past. All the mistakes I’ve made when I was younger shaped me into the man that I am today. If it wasn’t for those mistakes and screw ups, I wouldn’t have learned all these lesson. The man I am today knows what to do, and what not to do. But if it wasn’t for all my failures, I wouldn’t have learned how to be the right man. I wouldn’t be the right man”.
See, mistakes help you become the person you were always meant to be. My friend is a good man, actually he's a great man. Kind, genuine, honest, dependable and loyal. Fantastic qualities. And even though I am sure he always had these qualities in him, it took mistakes, experience and failed relationships in order to truly bring these qualities out of him.
Life teaches us all lessons, and even though we never truly stop learning, there are times where you learn a heck of a lot more than others.
Those are your 20’s. The majority of your growth will happen during that time. There’s no doubt about it. You will fail, you will fall, and you will mess up. That doesn’t mean that those moments define the rest of your life.
They are temporary setbacks that will push you into the right direction of your future.
One rejection is not a projection of future failures. Sure it’s good to acknowledge the hurt, but don’t see it as a permanent hindrance. Stop looking back at past relationships where you wish you could go back to.
I’ve realized that it’s good to ask the “what” questions but less helpful to ask “why”.
Decide you’ll only ask questions that help you move forward instead of asking questions that keep you stuck in the past, wondering.
“What” questions increase your ability to become more self-aware, while “why” questions only focus on things out of your control.
Instead of asking “why” they left, ask your “what” can I learn from this experience.
Don’t let this hurt go to waste. Use that situation and let it give you perspective and maturity.
You grow the most as a person when you stop blaming others and focus on what you can control. Take every failure as an opportunity to become better.
What can you do in order to prevent ‘this’ from happening again? What do you need to do in order to become a better man?
Let the mistakes of yesterday be the catalyst for the growth of today.
Growth creates change. Change creates improved circumstances. Improved circumstances create better outcome.
When my friend told me his view on his past love life and how it shaped him into the man that he is now, I couldn’t help but reflect on that myself. I looked at my life and my past. My failed relationships. All the pain I’ve caused.
I am truly sorry to all the people I’ve hurt in the past. My intentions were always pure, but like most things in life, often times we don’t see how wrong our behavior was until after the fact.
I am sorry that my growth came at the expense of your peace. I am sorry that your trust became collateral damage in the process. I am sorry that my making was your temporary breaking. I am sorry that I wasn’t enough at the time.
But I know if you would see me today, you’d be so incredibly proud. So this is for you. I owe this all to you. 
In a perfect world we would all get it right the first time. But we don’t live in a perfect world. My friend didn’t get it right the first time. Or the second or third time for that matter. And neither did I. But that’s okay, because one day you’ll get it right. And when that happens, you’ll realize why it didn’t work out sooner.
One day it’ll click, and you’ll be the right one, for the right one.
If I can give you one last good piece of advice; learn to forgive. Forgive others for hurting you because they weren’t ready for a love like yours. Forgive yourself for being a storm that destroyed things in its pathway. Forgive yourself for not knowing better even though you should have known better.