Our story ended a long time ago. And every day that goes by, I turn another page. Our time together slowly fading away, page after page. As time goes on, it gets easier and easier. Turning each page used to be painful, but now, now I don’t even second guess it. It’s a beautiful feeling. The feeling that you truly can overcome anything. That you have the ability to heal. But at the same time, it pains to know that the person you once loved, is turning into a distant memory of yours. Turning into someone you once used to know.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s also part of life. It’s a shame to see someone you once cherished in your life, become a stranger. The person who once brightened every part of your day, all of a sudden turns into this dark spot in the back of your brain that nags you every time someone mentions their name, or you smell their perfume. They’ll always be there, somewhere, deep down. It just gets easier to live with it.
I never wanted you to leave, although I loved who I was becoming in your absence. I just wish my growth didn’t come at the price of losing you. But unfortunately, we can’t have it all. We can’t have growth without struggle. We can’t have light, without having darkness. There’s no success without failure. How do you know right, when you’ve never done wrong?
People ask me all the time, ‘Marvin how do you move on, how do you let go’? I wish there was some simple universal answer to this complex question. A question that I’m sure everyone has asked at one point or another. ‘It’s starts slow’ I would tell people. It’s a process, it takes time. There’s no magic pill you can take to speed up the process. No way to just skip the next 6 months.
There’s a right way to move on, and there’s a wrong way. How do you know if you’re trying to move on the wrong way? You find yourself trying to numb the pain instead of embracing it. You find yourself trying to get over the heartbreak by pretending it isn’t happening. By participating in self-destructive behavior; doing drugs, turning to alcohol, hooking up with other people, or even jumping right back into another relationship.
All these are wrong ways to cope with a heartbreak. These things may temporarily help with the pain. By they could never truly fill that void, they can’t fix you. Only you can do that. Moving on takes time, months, sometimes even years. And deep down, you’ll always remember them. They’ll never be truly gone. If you really loved them, if you truly bonded with them, then no amount of time will erase what the two of you had. Not really. Not ever.
So how do you do it? How do you move on in the most efficient and healthiest way? (Note how I didn’t say ‘easiest’ way. Because there isn’t an easy way).
Well you have to relearn everything. How to sleep by yourself. How to watch movies without them, how to eat without them. You have to relearn how to breath without them.
How to happily exist without them by your side. You have to remind yourself that life was fine before they came crashing into you. That you know how to find happiness without them. You may not remember it, but there was a time where the two of you didn’t rely on each other to find happiness.
If you want to move on you need to remind yourself who you are. The real you. Remind yourself that you’re whole without them. They didn’t complete you, they simply accentuated you. They were a bonus, never the price. You’re the price, you’re enough. You always have been.
When you’re trying to move on it’s important to understand that grief is a natural part of the process. You lost a person that was very dear to you. The grieving process is crucial for the overall success of moving on. Skipping this step can be detrimental to the whole process.
Feel what you need to feel. Scream, cry, yell, let it all out.
This is your time to feel everything you need to feel in order to find and make your own closure. If you keep all these emotions bottles up inside you, you’ll just end up hurting yourself even more. You’ll end up carrying that hurt and pain into your next relationship.
You’ll end up bleeding on someone who didn’t cause the wound.
So take the time and really process all of your emotions. It’s okay to take a break from dating. You do not need to be in 2-3 relationships every year. You can take as long as you need to. Just don’t let the heartbreak make you bitter and ruin your outlook on love.
As the weeks pass, so do months. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself 6 months post breakup and things are finally starting to feel normal again. You’re slowly starting to feel like you again.
It starts with little things, like going an entire day without thinking about them because you’re too busy living your own life. It starts with you not wondering what they are up to anymore. You become okay with the idea that they won’t come back. That there won’t be a message waiting for you when you look at your phone again.
It starts with you accepting that not everyone you want to keep in your life, is meant to stay.
It starts with knowing that no matter how good you are, or how much you’ve changed, for some, it’ll never be good enough.
Moving on begins when the love fades and emotions die out. When you realize that you’re okay with them being with someone else. That your happiness is not tied to their existence.
It starts with the little things like forgetting their laughter, their smile, their smell.
It starts with forgetting their favorite color and what music they listen to.
Moving on starts with a few ‘maybes’. Like maybe they weren’t that great after all. Maybe they were just meant to teach you a lesson. Maybe you two parted for a reason.
Moving on starts with a few ‘maybes’ and ends with a clear NO.
No they’re not the one for you. No they were not meant to stay. No you don’t need them.
You move on by letting go of their memories, by letting go of who they were, who you were with them.
It starts with the little things, yet the little things end up becoming the big picture.