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Happy Now

Posted on August 13 2019

Happy Now
What I put you through, you didn’t deserve. Not remotely. But what you put me through for 6 months, constitutes to nothing short of mental abuse. You destroyed me, broke me down. And then left me to pick up the broken pieces by myself when you finally had enough. You used me. Weaned yourself off of me while I confused it for a sign of hope.
You choose your own closure at the expense of my peace. 
I stayed attached while you gradually detached until you just walked away. Just like that.
Then you did what you always do, you moved on with someone else. You took the easy route. I’m not mad at you. After all, it’s who you are. Who you were before we met, I mean, it’s how we met. You can’t be alone. And I’ve known that for a while now. 
I learned to not take it personal. I wasn’t the first. But getting so easily replaced is never easy.
I never knew that you could ‘love’ someone one day, and a week later be with someone else. But then again, it was never love, remember? Because that’s not what love does. Love doesn’t move on as effortless as you do.
Despite all of that, I still wish you well.
After all, I’m the one who started all of this. I’m the one who put this relationship on this disastrous course of self-destruction. But if I started it, you finished it.
I don’t hold a grudge or hate you for it. I never understood that you know; hating someone you claim you once loved for being happy with someone else.
That’s not me. I wish you nothing but pure bliss. You deserve it. I hope he’s everything you wanted me to be. You tried to mold me into this person that you thought would bring you everlasting happiness. And when I didn’t plan out you found someone else to take my place.
I hope he’s the one for you. I hope he’s the peace you’ve so desperately been searching for. 
I hope he can love you in all the ways that I couldn’t.
I wasn’t what you expected. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough at the time.
I share your disappointment though, because you weren’t what I expected either.
I suppose God did both of us a favor by ending this. Whatever ‘this’ was.
You were what I needed at the time. For the past 6 months I became the person I needed to be, and you became the person I needed to leave. I see it now. And it’s starting to make sense.
We tried and failed. There’s nothing wrong with that. It happens.
Mature love is knowing when to let go, when enough is enough. Mature love is realizing that sometimes good things fall apart. It’s wishing someone the best and realizing that that ‘best’ isn’t you.
Mature love is accepting the fact that you may cause more harm by staying. It’s accepting that two people aren’t always meant to be. That you can’t force something that is not meant to be.
Mature love is understanding that the other persons happiness, may require your absence.
My love for you is just that; mature. I’ve accepted that this is how it’s supposed to be.
I pray you forgive me for all the mistakes I’ve made. And I pray that you never do to another human being, what you’ve done to me.
I survived, but others may not.
I’ve learned from my mistakes; I hope you’ll learn from yours.
I hope you find your way. I hope you do everything you said you wanted.
I hope you get that ring you always wanted. You know, the one with the rose gold band and 9mm round moissanite stone. What was your ring size again? Ah that’s right a 4. Yeah, I remember. I mean after all; I was supposed to fly to Dallas for the consultation with the jeweler.  
I think I told him June, but I’m not sure.
I hope you get married and have the kids you’ve always wanted. I hope you take that spectacular honeymoon to Bora Bora that you dreamed of. I hope you get that big house in Texas that you wished for.
I hope your dreams come true. I hope you find everlasting joy and eternal happiness.
I am happy that you are in a better place now.
And as much as we both hurt one another, we’ve also helped each other immensely.
There was a reason we met, and there was a reason we parted.
I am happy that you’re happy. I’m happy that you’ve moved on. I’m happy that you finally found the stability that you’ve so long longed for.
I’m not writing this for you. I know you don’t care. You stopped caring a long time ago. Chances are, these words will never find you. And that’s okay. I am counting on it. This is for me.
This is me saying my peace, luckily, I don’t need you in order to get it.
And as grateful as I am for you, as happy as I am for you, I have to admit that you are my greatest disappointment. I pray that our paths will never cross again.
I don’t like to burn bridges, but in this case; may the bridge I burn, light the way.


I am happy that you’re happy.